My kingdom for a sandwich...literally.
In the past two weeks my disease seems to have been rapidly advancing. Eating has become a new adventure in pain and my stomach issues are so bad if I was a dog then I would have been put to sleep a while back. Animals get more respect than humans today, the irony is not lost.
Miracles can happen...they just don't happen to me and it is not because of a lack of faith but of circumstance. I am still taking some treatments in an effort to try and simply reduce pain and go from there but I hold out no real hope. The transplant team wants me to go to some kind of "group meetings" to discuss my hopes and fears in regards to the situation. I explained to them I do a solo gig and why talk to 20 people whose issues I couldn't care less about when I can talk to a few hundred thousand that might actually "get it."
I am worried that I won't be able to finish certain obligations but some days I feel so bad that I don't even want to have a conversation with my mom - my best friend. The doctors have been taking the shotgun approach to my condition, they are blasting away hoping they hit something. Experimental treatments (in my case) are simply a stall. A transplant still might not work IF I could qualify and right now there is no way.
I was thinking about things a couple of days ago. I have done a lot of things and met a lot of people that I always wanted to do and meet. I've been all over the globe. I came out of the shadows to become one of the better known independent critics whether you love me or hate me. I have lived more in 52 years than some have in 92...I'm happy. I am still planning things, it keeps me going. I keep throwing deadlines out there but it is hard to leave when you love doing something but when the daily joy turns into the daily grind then you need to press on. I have also been shunned because of outspoken political thought yet artists seem to believe their opinion is some how important. Record sales are important. I am a critic, opinions are what I do...
I hope to get back to some reviews shortly but please understand, things are not good right now.