Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Some Final Thoughts On Robin Williams And My Own Depression

Comics like Robin Williams are rare and sadly sometimes shooting stars...We are all terribly saddened at his passing.

I thought long and hard before writing this but I remember Rob Mullins and Tony Adamo saying that documenting my struggle may help someone else. That is all I ever wanted to do.

I have been diagnosed with depression since my illness and while the medication "helps" to a certain extent, each day is a struggle. I stare death in the face each day. The pressure is at times unbearable. My tumors can kill me. I can die waiting for transplant or the transplant may not take and I'll die anyway and all this within the next 6 months to 2 years. That is my reality and all the positive thoughts in the world won't change this. You prepare for the worst but hope for the best, not a fun way to live.

While I hold on to the doctor's optimism, it is incredibly insensitive for some to keep saying "I know you will beat it." You don't know that. It is like saying "I know just how you feel" because unless you have had an identical experience you don't. People handle and feel things on different levels, even music. I am probably too passionate to write about jazz which makes walking away easier because I have to take care of myself.

Be there for the family members and friends that may be struggling with something. It may seem like nothing to you but it may be a big deal to them. Talk with them but get them talking. I am lucky because I have a lot of people in my corner, it is why I get up in the morning.