Monday, July 21, 2014

The Liver Chronicles...3%

It is after 1:00 a.m. and sleep alludes me. Today I am hoping to find out what my treatment options and status are in regards to the hepatocellular carcinoma attacking my liver. I have to admit I am scared but the last 24 hours have been the worst as I am not one known for patience.

I am a big fan of irony...There have been a select few that have attempted to pass misplaced judgment on myself and my condition. Allow me to briefly address this as most people are unaware that there are numerous forms of liver disease not related to alcohol consumption. There are also people dying of lung cancer that have never smoked.

I may be the first critic to publicly state that passing judgment is something best left to our legal system. As my condition has worsened, my perspective has improved.

4:30 a.m. and sleep is coming in 2 hour increments. A young female saxophonist made a donation to my fund after hearing of my illness. She said, "I see your reviews and quotes everywhere, you must be so proud." If I said it wasn't nice I would be lying but it is an ego stroke I don't need.

I don't have a great many friends in the "real world" as I moved around constantly when young. When I changed jobs then I moved on and moved forward. What I am most proud of as an example is that a friend from college (literally my "big brother") just heard of my condition and he made a donation. To be thought of and remembered and cared about after not hearing from this person for thirty years is deeply moving. This feeling goes for all the donations, kind thoughts and prayers. The timing of his donation this evening was like being tossed a life raft for my spirit.

In a few hours the phone will ring...I know what is coming. I'll continue to fight. Hepatocellular carcinoma is literally a 97% death sentence. All I need is that 3% chance.

Thank you isn't enough...