Sunday, July 7, 2013

A Critic Looks At Death And Dying...The Last Review.

A short time ago I had a music business "consultant" take issue with the way in which I referred to my advanced liver disease on face book...In response I had countless musicians come to my defense encouraging me to stay the course as my attitude and perseverance could serve as inspiration to others suffering from chronic illness.

Much like Charles Barkley, I am not a roll model.

I am the victim of a self indulgent lifestyle, poor judgement and I won't even discuss the abuse that plagued my formative years. Water under the damn. Writing about my disease is cathartic. I don't seek sympathy. This is my reality as the only cure for liver disease is death...What I am experiencing now is merely a stall, nothing more. While my initial prognosis is 3-5 years, should tests come back "unfavorable" later this week then the original prognosis would be cut by 50%. I appreciate but don't understand those offering prayers as my view on a deity is one that does not include making such arbitrary decisions as to which people will live or die. I am the end result of a life that while incredibly rich and full has been filled with my fair share of mistakes, some self inflicted others the end result of the cause and effect relationships with both family and friends. I do know others that have experienced similar hardships. It is what it is and for whatever time is left on my shot clock, the intent is to use it wisely.

Liver disease not unlike a previous ex girlfriend is sadistic in nature striking when  you least expect it but with a relentless fervor that can break the spirit of a lesser person.

This is a soul siege, a humbling and never ending plague designed to test not only the will but the spirit. Music in general is my saving grace. When I look into the abyss, music looks back.

I like that.

A real friend and dynamite musician sent me the link below. Humor me. Read it.